Dayspring

It's funny the things you retain from adolescence. School force-fed me the hidden meanings of literature, the formula for photosynthesis, how to conjugate a Spanish verb six ways, the dates of every historic battle on earth, protons, neutrons, and hoards of advanced mathematics. Yet other than the memorable crunch of cutting through a fetal pig's sternum I can't recall most of what I learned in high school. I do, however, remember a quote about the dark that I heard at church when I was still in high school.

I think it originally resonated with me because I'm a no-night-light-kind-of-a-gal who would not be upset if forced to sleep in a cave. I'm not afraid of the dark. The quote was by Brigham Young and the gist of it was that someone asked him, "Why isn't God always rushing to our aid and making life easy? Why does he let us suffer? Why is life so hard?" And the answer ended with the phrase

It is the way it is because we must learn to be righteous in the dark.

Righteous in the dark. Righteous in the dark. A mantra I have repeated endlessly since that time.

Isn't life a complex grab bag of light and shadow? Straight-toothed smiles, chocolate-covered strawberries and piñata bursts all frosted on top of undercurrents of despair, frustration and fear? We plow forward hoping our heaven-based efforts will be greater than the unceasing undertows. We try to be righteous in the dark.

"The Savior" by Emily Dickinson 

The Savior must have been
A docile Gentleman --
To come so far so cold a Day
For little Fellowmen --

The Road to Bethlehem
Since He and I were Boys
Was leveled, but for that 'twould be
A rugged billion Miles -- 

Somewhere between high school and the present I became acquainted with the dark and ended up walking my own rugged billion miles in it. A decade of infertility definitely contributed to the darkness and distance but without living through it I could not have learned who I am or who the Savior is.

IN THE DARK I learned by touch, not sight, that there were hands to hold, arms to lean on, nudges of encouragement, and even someone to carry me if a collapse was eminent.

IN THE DARK my ears grew keen at hearing whisperings of love and hints of direction. There was always so much to listen to.

IN THE DARK I thought about, talked about, and obsessed about the sun because I knew it was real, even if I couldn't see it. I had sun memories in my heart and mind and I couldn't doubt them both. 

My egg of life was not cooked sunny side up but I learned to be righteous in the dark, after which I was blessed to be able to see in the dark. And then the sun, poised to rise all along but patiently waiting for me to arrive at the end of the billionth mile, broke the horizon with its promised dazzle and fire. The near-blinding dawn of a new day has arrived.

We are guaranteed a portion of blackout in this life and similarly promised the eclipse is temporary; that light will always follow night. I think the most important thing I discovered in my DECADE OF DARK was whether he was the Prince of Peace soothing me in blindness or the Dayspring gleaming gold to signal many bright hours ahead the Savior was beside me in all of it.

I remain unafraid of the dark.

"Dayspring" is used twice in the Bible; once in the New Testament (Luke 1:78) and once in the Old Testament (Malachi 4:2). The Greek translation means "dawn" and the verse in Malachi refers to the Savior as the "Sun of righteousness with healing in his wings." I also heard it sung last Sunday in the 3rd verse of "O Come O Come Emmanuel." I'm a logophile, but this is an especially beautiful word to me due to its symbolism and rarity of use. The photo was taken at 7:02 from my kitchen window just as the sun was coming over the mountain. At 7:00 there was nothing, and at 7:03 it was all up. You have to move fast to catch the dayspring.

Full Quote from Brigham Young’s Office Journal, Jan. 28, 1857, Church History library, Salt Lake City:  

"In a quiet moment with his secretary and two others, someone asked Brigham Young, 'Why is it that the Lord is not always at our side promoting universal happiness and seeing to it that the needs of people are met, caring especially for His Saints? Why is it so difficult at times?'

President Young answered, 'Because man is destined to be a God, and he must be able to demonstrate that he is for God and to develop his own resources so that he can act independently and yet humbly.' Then he added,

'It is the way it is because we must learn to be righteous in the dark.'"

O come, O come, Emmanuel

 And ransom captive Israel

 That mourns in lonely exile here

 Until the Son of God appear

 Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

 Shall come to thee, O Israel

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free

 Thine own from Satan's tyranny

 From depths of Hell Thy people save

 And give them victory o'er the grave

 Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

 Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer

 Our spirits by Thine advent here

 Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

 And death's dark shadows put to flight.

 Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

 Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,

 And open wide our heavenly home;

 Make safe the way that leads on high,

 And close the path to misery.

 Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

 Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,

 Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,

 In ancient times did'st give the Law,

 In cloud, and majesty and awe.

 Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

 Shall come to thee, O Israel.

--Anon. 12th century, trans. John Mason Neale 1851

Update 12-6-2018: I continue to love this term for the Savior. It occurred to me that because morning always comes it is a consistent, reliable, you-can-count-on-it kind of hope, especially for weary world travelers who are soooo tired of feeling lost. The Savior as the dayspring is truly the most reliable and loyal form of hope that exists.