Hear Him

 

Those who are (or who will become) Saints reach breaking points without breaking.

-Neal A. Maxwell

I was introduced to Annie Poon with this giant pen and ink sketch hanging in the BYU Museum of Art. I loved its simplicity, its “doodle” feel. I loved her cursive. (I'm worried kids aren't learning cursive anymore!) I remember being at the exhibit strollering a young Everett around. Could he walk yet? Maybe we had just moved? That was a year of my life I don’t remember. This was Annie’s depiction of Joseph Smith after five grueling and unjust months in Liberty Jail.

As I read the tiny plaque next to Annie’s piece, it said the owl perched over the wilting prophet symbolized the Holy Ghost, because the Lord does not leave us alone in our trials. This was truth; I clutched it and felt sunnier. 

I have not stopped thinking about the merciful owl—the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost we are offered through baptism and obedience. Earlier this spring, the Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Russell M. Nelson, asked the collective members of the church to focus on how we “hear Him”, meaning how we hear the voice of the God the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ, in our daily lives. He expounded:

"We hear Him more clearly as we refine our ability to recognize the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. It has never been more imperative to know how the Spirit speaks to you than right now. In the Godhead, the Holy Ghost is the messenger. He will bring thoughts to your mind which the Father and Son want you to receive. He is the Comforter. He will bring a feeling of peace to your heart. He testifies of truth and will confirm what is true as you hear and read the word of the Lord.

"I renew my plea for you to do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation.

"Doing so will help you know how to move ahead with your life, what to do during times of crisis, and how to discern and avoid the temptations and the deceptions of the adversary." 

I love that we all hear and feel the Holy Ghost differently; it is his role to speak to us "according to our own language", whatever that may be. Metaphors, music, art, nature, specific words, scripture phrases, mental pictures, and gut feelings that won't go away are some of mine.

I have studied the Holy Ghost in the manner that my brain works: magnetic poetry! Now, magnetic poetry holds a special place in my heart since every ghetto dwelling I paid rent for during my collegiate years had it (on a fridge filled with six gallons of lid-initialed milk, no less). Yes, I was poor, but I had call waiting and magnetic poetry and therefore endless entertainment.

President M. Russell Ballard said, “You cannot connect with heaven in a mass of clutter.” So I literally created clutter, sorted it, and was able to see my way to heaven. I collected words from holy writ, hymns, and the temple. I made light words for the ways the Holy Ghost speaks to and influences me and dark words for the ways the adversary tries; each endeavor to take place in my soul and cause reaction. Then I worked long and hard mixing, rearranging, and pairing things up. There are obvious opposites but plenty of nuanced synonyms:

 What I learned is how skilled Satan is. He attempts to mimic, block, or override every method of the Holy Ghost. For instance, the Holy Ghost delivers God's love, which is a pure love. The devil beguiles, which is a false, enchanting, deceptive love. Thankfully, the Holy Ghost is more powerful, more effective, always right, trustworthy, and the bearer of good fruits that won’t make me sick. 

Interestingly, the Holy Ghost only has two techniques that aren't warm and fuzzy: "prick" and "pierce". Having felt both, I know they are tiny, well-aimed pinpricks that go straight to the heart. The unmistakable awareness they cause is what feels pointy. They are meant to highlight, not kill.

One word that really stuck out to me for Satan’s tactics is “hollow”. Dallin H. Oaks said, “You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need will never satisfy you.” Subscribing to the adversary's methods will never give me the down-to-my-core peace I want so badly.

I have questions that need answers. I need guidance, assurance, and calm. I need directives to keep my family safe and help out of the messes I make. To hear what God is saying I need quiet time every day. This is why I love being alone, driving alone, and hiking alone. Prayer, scripture study, and pondering are essential to hearing the truth. I ask God for answers, carve out time to do the hard work, and pay attention to how I feel.

No matter how many times in my life I’ve been almost-broken and withering in the corner, I’ve felt God’s love beside me and inside me—through the Holy Ghost—despite the rats, darkness, and protruding ribs mortal experience demands. To quote an Ingrid Michaelson song: “Happy is the heart that still feels pain.” 

I love my word list because it assures me in absolute black and white that Heavenly Father speaks fluently to his children, and does so in marvelously kind—and straightforward—ways.

Please borrow my list! Use it to clear your anxious head! I didn't do all that work for nothing.

President Nelson's address here

Annie Poon’s website and Instagram. Image "Thou Art Not Yet as Job" used with permission. (She even emailed me a copy!)

Neal A. Maxwell quote from Deposition of a Disciple, p. 52.